After a month or two of thinking, I decided to pursue my dream of being a mother. But the hard part wasn’t over. The major decisions were just beginning.
The first thing I did was research. I learned two incredibly helpful and important things during my online search for guidance and reassurance.
- I found out that in Ontario (where I live), everyone gets one free IVF cycle in their lifetime. This was a huge relief, as money had always been a major factor in my decision to even consider having a child on my own. A weight was lifted and I felt that my dream might actually be possible. I wish everyone in Canada (and across the world) had this same gift. Hopefully some day!
- I discovered the term “Single Mother By Choice“. And I learned that there was a huge community made up of thousands of women who were in the exact same position as me. Everything changed for me in that moment. I no longer felt like I was alone in my experience. There were so many women who probably felt exactly as I did. They shared my hopes, my fears, my sadness, and my joy. And they would be my teachers as I moved along this path less traveled.
Now that I was armed with more information, I turned my search to looking for a good fertility clinic. I ideally wanted the convenience of a local clinic. I had four to choose from.
After my first look into the clinics’ websites and online reviews, my gut had pointed me in the direction of one in particular. My mind was pretty much made up at that point. Or so I thought.
I had posted a request for clinic recommendations on one of the Single Mother By Choice Facebook groups I belong to. The majority of women had used another fertility clinic and were suggesting that one. No one had mentioned the one I had unofficially chosen or any of the other clinics. I began to second guess my gut.
I soon found myself in the throes of utter confusion. Had my gut been wrong? Why were so many women using the other clinic? Was it because it’s superior to the others? Did people have negative experiences at the one I had originally wanted to go to? Would I lose my chance of having a baby if I chose a bad clinic?
I spent several weeks mulling things over and completely stressing out. I mean, big time stressing out! I enlisted my mom and sister to look at the clinics and tell me which one they thought was better. I even resorted to putting the names of the two clinics I had narrowed it down to into a hat and drawing names (by the way, that didn’t help in the slightest).
I was so confused and so incredibly scared to make the wrong decision. I don’t know why, but I felt that my entire future was hinging on this choice. My mom and sister eventually managed to calm me down by reminding me that it probably didn’t matter that much which clinic I chose, as they both had good reviews. They also reminded me of something that I firmly believe; everything in life will work out the way it’s supposed to. If it’s meant to be, it will be.
And so I completed my insanely stressful cycle of eeny meeny miney moe by finally making a decision. My gut had won.
A Path Less Traveled 